Aslam

Praise be to Allah.The advice we give to these two spouses is that they are

both creatures who should submit themselves to the laws of Allaah, because this is where

happiness lies. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as

regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards

obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable…” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

So both spouses must treat the other kindly. Marriage is based on

love, not on defiance or provocation, because these usually occur between enemies, and if

they happen between people who love one another, they usually cause hatred and do the

couple no good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives

from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you

affection and mercy…” [al-Room 30:21]

So the husband should debate with his wife in a gentle manner, and

approach her with the intention of winning her over, not of imposing his views. He should

give her room for polite debate, and he should realize that it is not right for him to

impose any view on her in a matter of fiqh that concerns her alone. He has nothing to do

with it if she is convinced of a different scholar’s opinion, and she is permitted to

follow that scholar. The wife must be aware that the husband’s rights are great, that

obeying him is obligatory and that pleasing him is part of pleasing Allaah. ‘Abd

al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf said: “The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month

(Ramadaan), guards her modesty and obeys her husband, it will be said to her, “Enter

Paradise through whichever gate of Paradise you wish.”’” (Reported

by Imaam Ahmad, 1573; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 660). The Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said, “If I were to command anyone

to prostrate to anything other than Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to

their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman will fulfil her

duty towards her Lord unless she fulfils her duty towards her husband, and if he asks her

for herself when she is sitting on a saddle, she should not refuse him.” The phrase

“he asks her for herself” refers to the husband asking for intercourse, and the

phrase “on a saddle” refers to the saddle used for riding a camel. The hadeeth

is urging women to obey their husbands and if they cannot refuse them when they are in

this situation (i.e., about to ride off on a camel) then how can they refuse them in other

cases? (Hadeeth reported by Ibn Maajah, 1843; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’,

5239, 5295). The Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“It is not right for any human being to prostrate to another; if it were right for

one human being to prostrate to another, I would have commanded women to prostrate to

their husbands because of the great rights that they have over them. By the One in Whose

hand is my soul, if a man were covered from head to foot with weeping sores oozing pus,

and his wife were to come to him and lick his sores (to clean them), this would not fulfil

the rights he has over her.’” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 12153; Saheeh

al-Jaami’, 7725).

If the wife obeys her husband and treats him well for

the sake of Allaah, she will earn a great reward with Allaah. By the same token, the man

has to be patient with her, treat her well, win her over and teach her what his

shar’i rights over her are.

With regard to her comment that the wives of the Prophet

(peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to argue with him a lot and challenge him, this is

not right at all. They are far above such things. They asked him to spend on them at a

time when he had nothing, and he did not have to spend more than Allaah had bestowed upon

him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Let the rich man spend according to his means, and the man

whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given

him…”[al-Talaaq 65:7]

After this, they never repeated their demands again, may Allaah be

pleased with them.

One time, the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

entered upon one of his wives and she gave him honey to drink. Two other wives got jealous

because he stayed there for a long time, just to drink the honey. So they agreed that each

of them would say that she could smell an unpleasant odour and would comment that the bees

that had produced this honey had eaten from a tree that was not good. The Prophet

(peace

and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was always anxious about having an unpleasant odour.

Allaah rebuked them when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“If you two (wives of the Prophet

(peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him), namely ‘Aa’ishah and Hafsah) turn in repentance to Allaah,

(it will be better for you), your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the

Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) likes), but if you help one another

against him (Muhammad

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)), then verily, Allaah

is his Mawla (Lord, or Master, or Protector, etc.), and Jibreel, and the righteous among

the believers, - and furthermore, the angels – are his helpers.” [al-Tahreem

66:4]

So they never did such a thing again, may Allaah be pleased with

them. So how can this woman forget about the good deeds of the Mothers of the Believers

and their good treatment of the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him),

which are so well known, and fail to follow their example in this, then try to use as

evidence the mistakes which some of them made, which were corrected by Allaah, and which

they never did again?

May Allaah help you both to do that which He loves and which pleases

Him, and may He reconcile between you.