Aslam

Praise be to Allah.Part of the Grace and Kindness of Allaah towards the sons of Adam is

that He has prescribed marriage for them, and has made it so that they produce offspring

in this organized and proper fashion. Marriage is one of the strongest and most noble

covenants in the sight of Allaah, and the family is the most important unit in the

structure of society. It is essential that a person gives priority to putting his own

house in order and strives to teach his family the laws of Allaah. One of the things that

he should make sure he teaches his wife is the duties that she has towards her husband,

and the rights that are due to her.

Islam has stated these rights and duties, and it obliges and urges both

spouses to fulfil them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): And

they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar to (those of their husbands) over

them to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over

them [al-Baqarah 2:228]

The aayah states that for every right there is a reciprocal duty which

must be fulfilled. In this way balance is achieved between them in all aspects, which

supports the stability of family life. Ibn Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him)

said concerning the aayah: It means: they have the right to good companionship and

kind treatment on the part of their husbands, just as they have to obey their husbands in

whatever they tell them to do. Ibn Zayd said: Fear Allaah concerning them just

as they have to fear Allaah concerning you. Al-Qurtubi said: This aayah

includes all the marital rights and duties.

Among these rights and duties are:

Turning a blind eye to faults and mistakes, especially words and deeds

by which nothing bad was intended. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

those who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily Allaah loves as muhsinoon (the

good-doers). [Aal Imraan 3:134]

Both husband and wife must put up with one another, for every child of

Adam may slip, and the person whom one should put up with the most is the one with whom

one lives and mixes the most. Neither party should resort to a tit-for-tat response. If

one spouse sees the other becoming very angry, he or she should restrain his or her own

anger and not respond immediately. For this reason Abul-Darda (may Allaah be

pleased with him) said to his wife: If you see me angry, calm me down, and if I see

you angry I will calm you down, otherwise we cannot live together.

Among the most important duties is:

Each spouse should advise the other to obey Allaah. According to a

saheeh hadeeth, some of the Sahaabah asked the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be

upon him): Can you tell us which kind of wealth is the best, so that we may strive

to acquire it? He said: The best (wealth) is a remembering tongue (one which

always remembers Allaah), a thankful heart, and a believing wife who will help you with

your faith. (Reported by Ahmad, 5/278; al-Tirmidhi, 3039; Saheeh

al-Jaami, 5231)

A man should not hate his wife if he sees in her

something that he dislikes, because if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will

like another which will make up for it. It was reported that the Prophet

(peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: No believing man should hate a believing

woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. (Reported

by Muslim, 36).

Samurah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that

the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Woman was created

from a rib, and if you try to straighten the rib you will break it, so be gentle with her

and you will be able to live with her. (Reported by Ahmad, 5/8; Ibn Maajah,

1308; Saheeh al-Jaami, 2/163).

One of the most important things that can make married

life happy is a good attitude, hence Islam raised its status. The Prophet

(peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) reached the utmost heights of good treatment of others

and good attitude. Abul-Darda reported that the Prophet

(peace and blessings

of Allaah be upon him) said: There is nothing that can be placed in the scales that

will weigh heavier than a good attitude, and a good attitude can help a person reach the

status of one who fasts and prays. (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2003; Abu

Dawood, 4799). Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that

the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: The most perfect of

the believers in faith are those who are the best in attitude, and the best of you are

those who are best to their women. (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1/217; Ahmad,

2/250; al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 284).

Both spouses should turn a blind eye and avoid picking

on matters great and small, or rebuking and scolding about any matter except duties

towards Allaah. This is what Allaah tells us to do (interpretation of the meaning):

And live with them (women) honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a

thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good. [al-Nisa 4:19].

As far as different environments are concerned, a man should take care

to pay special attention to this, such as allowing his wife to mix with good women from

among her surroundings and intelligent, well-mannered women from among your surroundings.

Although she must obey you and not go out of your house without permission, at the same

time you should not prevent her from going out to places where she wants to go, so long as

there is nothing bad there. You should let her receive trustworthy women in her house, in

order to have some social life and a refreshing change of routine, especially in our times

when many women no longer obey the Divine command to remain in their homes and do not pay

proper attention to it especially Muslim women who live in non-Muslim countries

where there is too much freedom.

We also advise you to give her some freedom of choice in issues that do

not cause any harm, such as choosing food, colours for things in the house, or gifts to be

given on various occasions. You should also seek her opinion in matters of concern to you

both, such as naming your children knowing that this is your right according to

Islam and where to spend your vacation.

You should also involve her and seek her opinion when making some

decisions in which it is appropriate to include her, such as dealing with behavioural

problems in your children, finding ways to reconcile disputing relatives or neighbours,

and especially in resolving the problems between the two of you. Try to raise her level of

education with suitable reading material and attendance at gatherings where the program

and fellow-attendees will help to achieve the desired aim. Such programs may be available

in some Islamic centres. Know that paying attention to her intellectual level, working

with her way of thinking, understanding her psychology, treating her appropriately, being

good to her and making her feel good are among the most effective ways of showing how wise

and manly you are and how good your personality is. We ask Allaah to reconcile between you

and bring you back together, and help you both to do that which He likes and which pleases

Him.