Aslam

Praise be to Allah.If you want to look for a wife for someone, or a husband for a woman, then

you can ask him about his wishes, such as the desired age, level of education, employment

situation, country and origin and position of the family, and whether he has any

preferences about her general appearance, such as skin colour, height, etc. The most

important characteristic to ask about is a person’s level of commitment to Islam.

This kind of useful question is fine.

But asking for details of a person’s past and wanting to know what

sins they might have committed when they were ignorant about Islam – this is not

right at all. Allaah covers people’s sins and loves to see them covered (i.e., not

dragged out into the open). So long as a person has repented, his sins have been wiped

out. Islam deletes whatever came before, so why should we ask questions that will only

embarrass people? Allaah accepts people’s repentance without their having to confess

or expose their sins to any other person. A number of the Sahaabah had committed adultery

and murder repeatedly, or had buried infant girls alive, or stolen things, but when they

entered Islam they were the best of people. No one needs to be reminded of a shameful

past; it is over and done with, and Allaah is the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. What

matters when considering a person for marriage is how that person is now: is he righteous

or not? Has he cut all ties with his past and his wrong deeds, or not? If he is clearly

living a good and righteous life now, then it is wrong to dig up the past. If there is any

fear of anything that could have future implications, such as certain diseases and so on,

then there are medical tests which can give the answer and put your mind at rest.

As far as giving a detailed description of a prospective wife to someone

is concerned, this can be done in writing: one of her mahram relatives (i.e. a blood

relative to whom marriage is permanently forbidden) or a woman who knows her can write

down a description, then a trustworthy person can deliver it to one who is seriously

considering a marriage proposal. The Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon

him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband as if he can see

her.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4839)

The wisdom behind this prohibition is the fact that a

husband might like the sound of what he hears, so he may divorce the one who described the

other to him, or there may be temptation to do wrong. (Commentary on the above

hadeeth in Fath al-Baari).

We ask Allaah to help us all to do that which He loves and

will earn His pleasure. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.