Aslam

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:

If the

marriage contract has been done, then you have become his wife and it is

permissible for a husband to be intimate with his wife however he wants. But

she can refuse to let him have his way with her until he gives her the mahr

and prepares a suitable marital home for her.

Ibn

al-Mundhir (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that the scholars were

unanimously agreed that a woman has the right to refuse to let her husband

consummate the marriage with her until he gives her the mahr.

Al-Mughni

(7/200).

Al-Kasaani

said in Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’ (4/19) that a woman has the right to

refuse to let her husband have his way with her until he provides her with a

home.

This is the

shar’i ruling on this matter.

What we are

afraid of is that this man is not serious about providing a home and

striving to settle in it and build a family, and that he is content to get

his pleasure from meeting you. Hence we advise you not to answer his demand

and not to let him be intimate with you, until he provides you with a home.

This will encourage him to pay attention and hasten to consummate the

marriage, and protect you. For intercourse may take place as the result of

pressure on his part and weakness on yours, then pregnancy may occur, and

that may lead to bad consequences in the event of divorce or delay of

consummation of the marriage and announcement thereof to the people.

Secondly:

If your work

is permissible and free of any haraam things, then we do not advise you to

give it up, and the husband has no right to prevent you from working so long

as he did the marriage contract with you at the time when you were doing

this job and he did not stipulate that you should leave it. At the very

least you should keep your job even if you take a temporary leave of absence

until you find out what your husband is really like.

Thirdly:

Attention

must be paid to the religious commitment and character of a husband, and one

should find out whether he prays regularly and keeps away from haraam

things. From your question it seems to us that this is not a man who is good

in these ways, hence it is easy for him to insult your parents and to

threaten to cheat on you. We do not know how such things could be said by a

wise man who understands how things are. Is this a proper way of putting

pressure on his wife – threatening to commit zina as a punishment to her?

This is indicative of a severe lack of religious commitment and

intelligence. If we had been consulted about the matter before the marriage

contract was done, we would have advised you not to marry him. But as the

contract has been done, we say: If he is careless about prayer, then you

should advise him time after time. If he does not improve, then separate

from him, for there is nothing good for you in marriage to a man who is

careless about prayer.

Fourthly:

If it

becomes clear to you that he is messing about and is not serious about

preparing a home etc, and that he may mistreat you and your family – even if

he does pray regularly – then we advise you to leave him, even if you free

yourself from the marriage by giving up some of your rights (i.e., khula’).

You say that

your family and everyone around you thinks that he is not suitable for you.

The family’s opinion in such matters is usually closest to the truth,

because they look at the matter with a measure of wisdom, far removed from

emotion which may sometimes blind one to the truth. They also have knowledge

and experience of such matters. Hence we think that you should discuss the

matter with your family, and do what they advise you, as well as praying to

Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah), for He does not betray the one who seeks

guidance and the one who asks for advice will not regret it.

We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to take away your distress and to guide you to good things.

And Allaah knows best.