Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

This world is not free of worries and distress, and the

Muslim knows that, indeed all people know that. All people suffer in this

world, good and bad.

The difference between the believer and the kaafir with

regard to that is that the believer has the hope of the reward of Allaah in

good times and bad, which the kaafir is deprived of because of his kufr.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“if you are suffering (hardships) then surely, they (too)

are suffering (hardships) as you are suffering, but you have a hope from

Allaah (for the reward, i.e. Paradise) that for which they hope not; and

Allaah is Ever All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

[al-Nisa’ 4:104]

The believer knows that whatever good he sees in this world

is only partial, and that whatever evil he sees in this realm, no matter

what this evil is, is only partial. True good is in Paradise and true evil

is in Hell.

Shaddaad ibn Aws (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to

say: You do not see anything of good but its causes and you do not see

anything of evil but its causes. All goodness is in Paradise and all evil is

in Hell. This world is transient and passing, in which both the righteous

and the immoral eat. But the Hereafter is a true promise in which a stern

Sovereign will pass judgement. Each of them has its sons, so be among the

sons of the Hereafter and do not be among the sons of this world.

Sifat al-Safwah (1/709).

Because of this truth, the one who is destined for Hell will

forget all this goodness from the first time he is dipped in Hell, and the

one who is destined for Paradise will forget all this hardship the first

time he is dipped in Paradise.

This is the wisdom of Allaah, which the believer sees in that

which Allaah has decreed for him. He tests His slaves with good and bad

alike.

“Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall make a

trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”

[al-Anbiya’ 21:35]

It is easy for anyone to speak the words of faith and claim

to be sincere, but it is through tests and trials that those who are sincere

are distinguished from those who are lying, and believers are distinguished

from hypocrites. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they

say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.

3. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And

Allaah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and

will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars,

(although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:2-3]

So the believer is different from all other people when he is

tested with good and bad. He is grateful for good things and he is patient

when bad things happen, and there is no goodness in anything other than

that.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with

him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of it is good,

and that applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to

him he gives thanks, and that is good for him, and if something bad befalls

him he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim

(2999).

One of the names by which Allaah has called Himself is

al-Hakeem (the Wise), and one of His deeds is wisdom which the human mind

cannot fully comprehend. That part of His wisdom which is known to us can

help the believer to be steadfast and patient. In the answer to question no.

35914 we have stated some of the wisdom and benefits that result from

calamities. Please refer to this question, as it is important.

There are some things which, if the one who is stricken with

calamity thinks about them, his problem will seem less severe. Ibn al-Qayyim

mentioned in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad (4/189-195) a number of these

things, which we have mentioned in the answer to question no.

71236. Please

refer to this question, as it is important.

Secondly:

Honouring your parents is an Islamic duty, and it is haraam

to disobey them even if their attitude or their treatment of you is bad, and

no matter what has happened between them. Allaah has enjoined treating them

kindly even if they try to force you to disbelieve. Allaah says

(interpretation of the meaning):

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in

worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them

not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him

who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your

return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[Luqmaan 31:15]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

enjoined maintaining ties with them and treating them kindly even if they

are kaafirs, as he said to Asma’ (may Allaah be pleased with her) when her

mother, who was a kaafir, came to visit her because she needed something:

“Uphold ties of kinship with your mother.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2477)

and Muslim (1003).

Thirdly:

Moving far away from your family and travelling by yourself

is not permissible because of the problem, rather it the wrong way to deal

with it. It is like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I heard the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be

alone with a woman unless there is a mahram present with her, and no woman

should travel except with a mahram.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1763) and

Muslim (1341).

This hadeeth indicates that for a woman to travel alone,

without a husband or mahram, is haraam. The word “travel” in the hadeeth is

general in meaning, and includes travelling for Hajj and ‘Umrah or to seek

knowledge. What you are intending to do comes under the heading of travel

that is forbidden in this hadeeth, and if the travel is to a kaafir country,

then it is even more haraam.

Fourthly:

It is not permissible for a woman to take off her hijab, the

symbol of her chastity, religious commitment and modesty. Obedience to

Allaah takes precedence over desires, pleasures and worldly matters.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)

said:

It is obligatory for a woman to observe hijab in front of

non-mahram men, both at home and abroad, because Allaah says (interpretation

of the meaning):

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask

them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their

hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

This verse includes the face as well as other parts, because

the face is the greatest part of a woman’s beauty.

“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the

women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies

(i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the

way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable

women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most

Merciful”

[al-Ahzaab 33:59]

“…and not to reveal their adornment except to their

husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or

their husband’s sons …”

[al-Noor 24:31]

These verses indicate that it is obligatory to observe hijab

at home and abroad, in front of Muslims and kaafirs.

It is not permissible for any woman who believes in Allaah

and the Last Day to take these matter slightly because that is disobedience

towards Allaah and His Messenger, and because that will cause fitnah at home

and abroad.

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah

(1/446, 447).

Fifthly:

You should not despair of the mercy of Allaah. What you say

in your question indicates that you have lost self confidence and have lost

hope in your Lord. The Shaytaan would like this to continue. Beware of

falling into the trap of the Shaytaan.

We can see from your letter that you are upset and grieved by

the state of your family, and how their reputation is affecting you, which

has made you think of moving away from them. But we want you to think long

and hard lest you fall pray to evil people, especially if they know about

your family’s situation and you are alone among them. So you have to plan to

solve this problem without doing anything that is haraam.

We suggest that you should tell one of your relatives who is

wise and is a mahram about your problem, such as a paternal uncle or

maternal uncle, so that he may help you to solve the problem that results

from your remaining with your family. Moving to the house of one of your

mahrams is the best way to solve your problem, if living with them is as you

describe and there is no hope of them mending their ways. Maybe after that

Allaah will bless you with a righteous husband with whom you will have a

happy life and Allaah may bless you with good children from him.

There is no reason why your relatives should not help you to

get married to a righteous man. If they do that, they will be deserving of

praise. There is no reason why you should not try to get someone whose

intelligence and religious commitment you trust to look for a suitable

husband for you, or mention you to a person who you think is righteous and

good.

But whatever the case, we do not advise you to travel alone

or to move to a house on your own, rather we advise you to live with one of

your relatives who is a mahram, if that is possible, so long as you choose a

righteous household that is suitable for you to live in. If that is not

possible then we advise you to look for righteous sisters, such as students,

and live with them. If that is not possible, then look for a righteous

sister who is living with her sisters or mother, who you could live with.

What matters is that you should avoid living alone and avoid travelling,

especially to a kaafir country, and you should look for a good and suitable

environment where you can protect your religious commitment.

It is not permissible for you to give in to the tricks of the

shaytaan for you are one of those who are despairing and are close to kufr.

All of that plays a role in worry and distress.

Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the

meaning):

“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such

(trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted

with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger

and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) the Help of

Allaah?” Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!”

[al-Baqarah 2:214]

You will realize that when calamity grows worse and reaches

the point that it feels like an earthquake, then relief is close at hand by

the mercy of the Most Merciful of those who show mercy.

Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the

meaning):

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He

will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could

imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him.

Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure

for all things”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]

“and whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He

will make his matter easy for him”

[al-Talaaq 65:4]

“Verily, along with every hardship is relief,

6. Verily, along with every hardship is relief”

[al-Sharh 94:5-6]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon

him) said: “O young man, shall I not teach you some words by means of which

Allaah may benefit you?” I said: Yes. He said: “Be mindful of Allaah, He

will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him before

you. Remember Him at times of ease and He will remember you at times of

hardship. If you ask, then ask of Allaah, if you seek help then seek help

from Allaah. The Pen has dried and things are happening (as they have been

decreed). If all of mankind were to gather together to benefit you in some

way that Allaah has not decreed for you, they would never be able to do it,

and if they wanted to harm you with something that Allaah has not decreed

for you, they would never be able to do it. Remember that there is much good

in bearing with patience that which you dislike, and that victory comes with

patience, and that with hardship comes a way out and with difficulty comes

ease.” Narrated by Ahmad, 2800 and classed as saheeh by Al-Albaani.

Finally: we advise you to make du’aa’ and seek out the best

times such as the last third of the night, saying a lot of du’aa’ whilst

prostrating, being sincere in your du’aa’ and humbly beseeching your Lord to

guide your parents and set their affairs straight, and to help you to do

that which He loves and which pleases Him.

See also the book “Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and

Stress” in the Books section of this site.

And Allaah knows best.