Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

It is mustahabb to hasten to get married for the one who is

able for it, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who

has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon

(pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid‑servants

(female slaves)”

[al-Noor 24:32]

Ibn Katheer(may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on

this verse: This is a command to marry off those who need to get married. A

number of scholars are of the view that it is obligatory for everyone who is

able for it, and they quoted as evidence the apparent meaning of the words

of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O young

men, whoever among you can afford to get married, then let him do so, for it

is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And whoever is

not able to do that, then let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.”

Narrated in al-Saheehayn from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood.

In is narrated in al-Sunan via more than one isnaad

that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon

him) said: “Marry and produce offspring for I will be proud of your numbers

on the Day of Resurrection.”

Ayyim (translated here as “single”) refers to the woman who

has no husband or the man who has no wife, whether they were married then

separated or were never married. End quote.

Secondly:

The son should tell his father clearly of his wish to get

married, and the father should understand the importance of that, and he

should help his son to get married. Many of the fuqaha’ are of the view that

that is obligatory if he is able for it.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Our

companions said: The father must keep his son chaste if he is obliged to

spend on him and if he needs to be kept chaste.  This is the view of some of

the companions of al-Shaafa’i. End quote from al-Mughni (8/172).

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: A

person’s need to get married is urgent, and in some cases it may be like his

need for food and drink. Hence the scholars said: It is obligatory for the

one who has to spend on a person to arrange his marriage if he can afford to

get married, so it is obligatory for fathers to arrange the marriages of

their sons, if the sons needs to get married but cannot afford to do so. But

I heard that some fathers who forget how they were when they were young,

when the sons ask them to arrange their marriage, they say: Get married at

your own expense. This is not permissible and it is haraam if he able to

arrange his marriage. His son will dispute with him on the Day of

Resurrection if he does not arrange his marriage when he is able to do so.

End quote from Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (18/410).

A widespread mistake is when the father refuses to listen to

his son concerning this matter, and ignores the son’s need. His need for

marriage may be urgent, and as a result of delaying marriage he may fall

into some kind of deviation. It is well known that people vary with regard

to this need and their level of self-control in this matter. The father may

be sinning by preventing his son from getting married if he needs that, as

stated above.

Some fathers give precedence to study and work over marriage

in all cases, and they never consider arranging their son’s marriage before

that. This is also wrong. Rather they should study the matter and weigh up

the pros and cons. They should find out how much their son needs to get

married, and how able he is to combine marriage and study, and which should

be given priority if it is not possible to do both. Protecting one’s

religious commitment is important, and takes precedence over protecting

one’s physical health and wealth, so naturally it takes precedence over

studying.

Thirdly:

The father may be excused for refusing to arrange his son’s

marriage before he completes his studies, either because he sees that the

son is not well-organized in handling his affairs and cannot take

responsibility for himself, let alone anyone else, or he thinks that he is

neglecting his studies and would neglect them even more after marriage, or

he does not think that he really needs to get married, and it is only a

passing fancy or he wants to imitate someone else. The son should excuse his

father and strive to convince him, and explain to him the extent of his need

for marriage and how able he is to take care of his wife after that.

We ask Allaah to guide you.

And Allaah knows best.