Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

Many women do not understand the difference between jealousy,

doubt and suspicion, and they do not understand that this jealousy could

destroy the marriage and lead to break-up of the family. When will women

understand that?

This jealousy on the part of the wife of the brother who is

asking this question is going to destroy trust between her and her husband,

and lead to her wrecking her home with her own hands. This way of treating

the husband will destroy his love for her and cause it to be replaced with

hatred; it will destroy his desire to continue the marriage and will bring

it to a hasty end.

The wise wife is the one who weighs up matters carefully and

does not cause trouble to her husband or develop doubt and suspicion about

his normal activities. Rather she strives to generate trust between her and

him and to lay the foundations of love and happiness between her and him, so

that their married life will be harmonious, otherwise she will soon be

numbered among the divorcees.

Secondly:

Our advice to the husband is to take it easy and not be

hasty. The nature of women is different from that of men, and there is no

one who is happy with his wife but there is some crookedness in her actions

and behaviour, which may be more or less according to her level of religious

commitment, common sense and good behaviour.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of

Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Woman is created

from a rib that will never become straight. So if you enjoy her, then enjoy

her with the crookedness that is in her, for if you try to straighten her

you will break her, and breaking her means divorcing her.” Narrated by

al-Bukhaari (3153) and Muslim (1468).

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

This hadeeth indicates being kind towards women and treating

them gently, and putting up with crookedness in their nature and the

possibility of weakness in their intellect, and shows that it is not right

to divorce them for no reason, and that a man should not hope to straighten

her.

Sharh Muslim (10/57).

What we think you should do is put up with her attitude and

try to reconcile with her and increase her knowledge and faith, giving her

what is required for that of beneficial books and tapes and good companions.

And you should make your kind treatment of her another means of achieving

that, as well as offering a great deal of supplication.

You should understand that divorce is a means of breaking up

and scattering families, and it affects the wife and children in most cases.

Many people put up with bad behaviour on the part of their wives for the

sake of their children and in the interests of the children, so that they

raise them in a good way so that they could help their mother to be obedient

and to mend her ways. This is something that is tried and tested, and this

is what we think you should do.

But if you cannot put up with her behaviour and you would end

up mistreating her and denying her her rights, then divorce her. Perhaps she

will come to her senses after the first or second divorce (talaaq), but if

she persists in the way she is behaving and you cannot put up with her, then

there are many other women besides her and Allaah says (interpretation of

the meaning):

“But if they separate

(by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His

Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All‑Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All‑Wise”

[al-Nisa’ 4:130].

And Allaah is the source of strength.