Aslam

Praise be to Allah.Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah). This situation about

which this sister is asking is a common one and occurs

often as a result of a clash of desires between parents

and their daughter. It could be for a benefit or interest

the mother or father sees and the young woman doesnt,

and each regards the issue from a different perspective

or with a particular consideration. And perhaps the

opinion of the parents is the appropriate and correct one

as a result of their prior trials and longer experience in

life, and perhaps the woman sometimes looks to the

appearance of the groom more than anything else,

whereas the parents may look to other considerations,

such as his family status, or his long-term career or

employment. Of course none of this means that the

womans opinion isnt sometimes more correct and

preferable, particularly when the opinion of the parents

stems from a benefit they may realize if the marriage is

accomplished, and they do not actually make the

priority their daughter who is the most important thing in

this issue. And while being vigilant in advising you of the

importance of obeying ones parents and struggling with

oneself to realize their wishes and desires and giving

their opinion the priority, the point must clearly be made

that the following two hadeeth from the Prophet

(peace be upon him) must be abided by and carried out,

as within them are the complete answer to your question

and questions from others in similar situations:

The first hadeeth:

If he whose character and deen (practice of religion)

pleases you, approaches you in marriage, then marry

him, for if you dont, their will be fitna in the land and

vast corruption. (Tirmidhi and others, see Sunan

Tirmidhi #1085 and it is hassan (reliable) as per Sahih

ul-Jaami #270). (fitna here can be understood to

refer to the temptation for fornication, enmity and the

cutting off of relations among the people and relatives,

and the spreading of hatred)

The second:

Buraida (may Allah be pleased with him) said that a

young woman came to the Prophet

(peace be

upon him) and said, My father married me to his

brothers son (i.e. her cousin) in order to raise his

standing among the people, so the Prophet

(peace be upon him) put the matter in her hands (i.e.

asserted that the validity of the marriage is conditioned

on her approval and negated by her refusal). So she

said, I authorize and endorse what he has done but I

wanted women to know that fathers cannot force their

will in these matters.

And it was narrated by NisaaI via Abdullah ibn

Buraida via Aaisha that a young woman came to her

and said, My father married me to his brothers son in

order to raise his standing among the people and I am

unwilling (to agree to it), so she said, Sit until the

Prophet

(peace be upon him) comes. So the

Prophet

(peace be upon him) came and she

informed him of the situation, so he sent for her father

and invited him (over) and asserted that the matter is in

the brides hands. So she said, Oh Prophet of Allah I

have authorized and endorsed what my father has done,

but I wanted to know if women had a say in the matter

or not. (Sunan al-NisaaI, Kitaab al-Nikaah min

Sunanihi and it is sahih).

I ask Allah for you success and guidance to that in

which there is blessings for you and your family, and

may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our

Prophet Muhammad

.