Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

It is not permissible for a woman – whether she is a virgin

or previously married – to get married without the permission of her

guardian. This has been explained previously in a number of answers. Please

see Question No.

2127.

Secondly:

The family – customarily and usually – is able to know what

is best for their daughter and who is best suited to marry her, because

usually girls have little knowledge and experience of life and what is best

for them, and they may be deceived by some nice words, and be ruled by their

hearts rather than by their heads.

Hence a girl should not go against her family’s opinion, if

they are known for their religious-commitment and wisdom. But if a woman’s

guardians reject husbands for no valid reason, or if their criteria for

choosing a husband are not acceptable by the standards of sharee’ah – such

as if they prefer a rich evildoer over one who is religiously committed and

of good character – then it is permissible for the girl to refer the matter

to the qaadi (sharee’ah judge) to annul the guardianship of the one who is

not letting her get married, and pass that role to someone else. But this is

not applicable in this case, because what is stopping the family from

agreeing to this husband is what they think is in the best interests of

their daughter, and this has to do with the character and attitude of the

husband.

Thirdly:

The things that lead to love between a young man and a young

woman may be things that are not Islamically acceptable, such as mixing,

being alone together, speaking, exchanging pictures, and so on. If this is

the case then a woman should realize that she has done something haraam, and

this is not the standard by which the man’s love for her should be measured.

For usually at this stage the man shows his best side and makes his

behaviour look as good as possible, so he can win the girl’s heart and get

what he wants.  If what he wants is haraam, then she will be like a victim

for the wolf and will lose the most precious thing that she possesses after

her religion. If what he wants is permissible – namely marriage – then he

has gone about it in a way that is not permissible. Moreover, she may get a

shock when she sees his attitude and how he treats her after marriage. This

is the fate of many wives.

So the family has to make a good choice for their daughter.

They should find out more about the husband, and they should not judge a

person on the basis of heated discussion that may be justifiable. What

matters is the man’s attitude and religious commitment. The family should

also remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah

be upon him): “We do not think there is anything better for two who love one

another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by

al-Busayri and al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624.

The girl has to obey her family, for they know best what is

in her best interests, and all they want is for her to be happy with a

husband who will respect her and give her her rights.

We also advise the sister who asked this question to look at

the answer to question no.

23420.

And Allaah knows best.