Aslam

Praise be to Allah.You should know that it is

not permissible for you to force your wife to do anything repulsive or that

may cause impurity (najaasah) to enter the stomach, and you should have

intercourse with her in a natural manner. Your wife should know that it is

not permissible for her to forsake her husband’s bed when he calls her to do

something that is permitted in Islam and to fulfil one of his rights, which

is to enjoy her in the manner that Allaah has permitted. It is not

permissible for a wife to refuse to share her husband’s bed without a

legitimate shar’i excuse, such as when she is menstruating or bleeding

following childbirth. A stern warning is issued to the wife who refuses to

share her husband’s bed, and there are many ahaadeeth concerning that. It

was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The

Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the

night angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning comes.’”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Bid’ al-Khalq, 2998)

It was narrated that Abu

Hurayrah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

said: ‘If a woman spends the night having forsaken her husband’s bed, the

angels will curse her until she goes back.’” (narrated by al-Bukhaari,

al-Nikaah, 4795)

And it was narrated that

Abu Hurayrah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) said: ‘By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no

one who would be pleased with her.’” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Nikaah,

2595).

It was narrated that Talq

ibn ‘Ali said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah

be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to him, then let her respond,

even if she is at the oven (baking bread).’” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1080,

classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, no. 927, in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi).

If a woman consistently

refuses to spend the night with her husband in his bed, then she forfeits

her rights to maintenance and also her share of her husband’s time [in the

case of a plural marriage], because maintenance is a right given in return

for intimacy. Such a woman is considered to be naashiz (defiant, rebellious,

disobedient). Al-Bahooti said: Nushooz (defiance, rebellion) means when a

wife does not let her husband be intimate with her or she responds to him

unwillingly as if she finds it too much when he calls her, and she only

responds reluctantly.

(Sharh Muntaha

al-Iraadaat by al-Bahooti, vol. 3, p. 55)

If a woman is

defiant, then she no longer has the right to maintenance, because

maintenance is in return for allowing her husband to have intercourse with

her.

Nushooz means a wife

disobeying her husband with regard to her obligations towards him. Allaah

has stated what the husband is permitted to do in the case of his wife’s

being disobedient. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on

whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to

share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if

they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance).

Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

The fuqaha’ said: If

she persists in her disobedience after he has admonished her and refused to

share her bed, i.e., not slept with her as long as she persists in that, and

not spoken to her for three days, because Allaah says, ‘refuse to share

their beds’ – if she persists even though he has refused to share her

bed and not spoken to her for three days, then he may hit her, but not

hard.

In this case, it is

permissible for him to divorce her. Al-Mardaawi said: divorce is permissible

when necessary because of the woman’s bad attitude and bad behaviour, or

because of harm caused to him by her actions. So divorce is permissible in

this case, and there is no scholarly dispute on this point.

(al-Insaaf,

vol. 8, p. 430)

But if she has gone

off you in a way that cannot be remedied, and she dislikes you so much, then

in this case divorce is recommended, because staying married in this case is

harmful to the wife. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon

him) said: “There should be no harming or reciprocating harm.”

See al-Mulakhkhas

al-Fiqhi, vol. 2, p. 305.

You will not be

considered a sinner if you divorce her in this case.  With regard to the

solution of your financial problems, it is permissible for you to marry a

woman who agrees to support herself, or who agrees to let you off some of

your financial responsibilities towards her, just as it is permissible for

you to agree with your first wife to stay married whilst forgoing some of

her rights. It is permissible for a wife to forego some of her rights to a

share of her husband’s time and maintenance so that he will keep her and so

that she may stay married to him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the

meaning):

“And if a woman

fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no sin on them

both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is

better” [al-Nisa’ 4:128]

‘Aa’ishah (may

Allaah be pleased with her) said: “This refers to a woman who is married to

a man and he wants to divorce her, so she says, ‘Keep me and do not divorce

me, and you are freed any obligation to spend on me or give me a share of

your time…’”

al-Mulakhkhas

al-Fiqhi, vol. 2, p. 296

Because maintenance

is one of the wife’s rights, so when they reach an agreement that she will

forgo her rights or some of her rights, then that is up to her. On this

basis then if the woman whom you want to marry agrees to forgo maintenance,

that is permissible. And Allaah knows best.