Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Undoubtedly the way in which many Muslim societies (including

Egyptian society) view plural marriage is as a betrayal of the first wife,

or as something for which the husband or second wife are to be blamed.

Undoubtedly this is a mistaken view that is contrary to the law of Allaah,

which permits a man to marry up to four wives. Allaah says (interpretation

of the meaning):

“…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three,

or four …”

[al-Nisa’4:3]

The Muslim cannot object to the rulings of Allaah, or think

that there is any injustice, transgression or error in the rulings of

Allaah.

Hence we do not agree with you when you say: “How can I take

the husband from his wife and children?”

You are not taking this husband away; rather he has come and

proposed to you of his own free will.

Moreover he is going to bear the burden of two families and

two households at the same time; he is not going to leave his first wife and

children for your sake, so how can that be taking him away?

As for the opinion of the first wife, this is part of the

human nature which is inherent in most women (jealousy), and she wants to

keep her husband for herself and not share him with anyone. The Mothers of

the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with them) who were the best women of

this ummah, had some problems because of jealousy, but the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forgave them and did not hold it

against them.

You can remedy that with a little wisdom and good attitude.

But it is also essential to put up with some of that which may come from her

because this is the nature of women.

The husband must also be wise in his dealing with such

attitudes so that he will not make the disputes and conflicts worse.

With regard to our advice to you, whether to accept this

husband or wait in the hope that Allaah might provide you with someone

else:

The answer is that if you hope that there may come someone

who is better than him, then there is no reason why you should not refuse

him, but if you are afraid – as you are older – and because of your

situation that there will not be anyone else who is better than him, or even

like him, then we think – and Allaah knows best – that you should agree to

this marriage.

For a woman to agree to be a second wife and to put up with

some problems from the first wife or the society around her, is much easier

than staying without a husband.

We ask Allaah to make good easy for you wherever it is.

And Allaah knows best.