Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

The mother’s status in sharee’ah cannot be denied. Allah has

enjoined that her children should honour her, and He has forbidden them to

disobey her; He has ruled that the mother is the most entitled of people to

one’s good company, as it says in the well-known hadeeth, when a man said: O

Messenger of Allah, which of the people is most deserving of my good

companionship? He said: “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother,

then your father, then the next closest and the next closest.” Narrated by

Muslim (2548).

This is the mother’s right, and that is her status. It is not

permissible for her to consume her children’s wealth unlawfully, rather she

must give each one his or her rights, and divide the estate in accordance

with the laws of Allah. It is also not permissible for the mother to incite

her daughter against her husband and spoil the good relationship between

them. These actions of this mother are evil deeds which are not acceptable

in Islam, and they bring the threat of sin and punishment.

Perhaps the greatest way in which you can honour your mother

is by deterring her from consuming haram wealth and doing haram things,

and stopping her from wronging people unlawfully, and remind her of the sin

involved in spoiling the relationship between husband and wife, and the sin

of gheebah (backbiting), reviling and insulting others, and other haram

things that she is doing, such as tabarruj (wanton display) and travelling

without a mahram, if these are true in her case.

With regard to your siblings who want your mother to live

with you and your husband, you are not obliged to do that according to

sharee’ah, rather it is the duty of your mother, and in this case the right

belongs to your husband: if he agrees to that, all well and good, otherwise

you are not obliged to do this, rather we do not advise your husband to

accept this situation, because they are not neglected or in need of such a

thing, they are not poor and in need of someone to spend on them, and your

mother is not unable to take care of their affairs. Taking this

responsibility from her is helping her to do the things that she is doing

that go against Islam, and to neglect her duties, and pass on this burden to

your husband, and put pressure on you and your household with something that

is not required of you in the first place, let alone the unacceptable things

that may result from your sister living in the same house as a man who is

not her mahram (your husband). We do not advise you to accept this situation

under any circumstances.

Secondly:

The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the

rights of the husband, rather the husband’s rights are greater and take

precedence over your mother’s rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence

over your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband

by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah, and she

strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her husband’s

commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she should put her

husband’s commands and wishes first.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him)

was asked about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her

parents’ care. Which is better – honouring her parents or obeying her

husband?

He replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more

authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more

obligatory for her. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their

husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to

guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [al-Nisa 4:34].

And in a hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon

him) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its

comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and

if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her

she protects you with regard to  herself and your wealth.”. In Saheeh Abi

Hatim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah

(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers

her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and

obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she

wants.” In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allah be

pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of

Allah be upon him) said: Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased

with her, will enter Paradise.” This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said

it is a hasan hadeeth. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If I were to order

anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to

their husbands.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It

was also narrated by Abu Dawood with the wording: “I would have ordered

women to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allah has

given them over them.” In al-Musnad it is narrated from Anas that the

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not

acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were acceptable

for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered women to

prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they

have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if there were sores

from his feet to the top of his head flowing with pus, then she licked them,

she would not have given him all his rights.”

And he quoted ahadeeth about the virtue of obeying the

husband.

There are many ahadeeth on this topic from the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Zayd ibn Thabit said: The

husband is a sayyid (lord or master) in the Book of Allah. Then he quoted

the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “They both found her lord

(i.e. her husband) at the door” [Yoosuf 12:25]. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab

said: Marriage is slavery, so let one of you look to whom he is giving his

beloved daughter to be a slave to. In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is

narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)

said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are like prisoners with

you.”

So the woman is like a slave of her husband, or like a

prisoner; she should not go out of his house without his permission, whether

she is told to do so by her father, her mother or anyone else, according to

scholarly consensus.

If a man wants to take her to another place, so long as he is

doing what is required of him, and observing the sacred limits of Allah

with regard to her, and her father tells her not to obey him in that, then

she must obey her husband and not her father, because in that case the

parents are wrongdoers, and they have no right to tell her not to obey

someone like this husband, and she does not have the right to obey her

mother if she tells her to leave him or to cause trouble to him so that he

will divorce her, such as demanding more maintenance and more clothing, and

demanding (the deferred portion of) her mahr so that he may divorce her.  It

is not permissible for her to obey either of her parents by divorcing him if

he fears Allah with regard to her.

In the four Sunans and Saheeh Ibn Abi Hatim it

is narrated that Thawban said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and

blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a

divorce when there is nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be

forbidden to her.” According to another hadeeth: “The women who ask for

khul’ and the women who make a wanton display of themselves are indeed

hypocrites.”

But if both or one of her parents tells her to do something

that involves obedience to Allah, such as praying regularly, speaking the

truth and fulfilling trusts, and tells her not to squander or waste her

money, and other things that have been enjoined or forbidden by Allah and

His Messenger, then she must obey them in that, even if the command comes

from someone other than her parents, so how about if it comes from her

parents?

If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined

by Allah, and he tells her to do something that Allah has forbidden, then

she should not obey him in that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of

Allah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it

involves disobedience toward the Creator.” If a master orders his slave to

do something that involves disobedience toward Allah, it is not

permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him, so how can a woman obey

her husband or one of her parents by committing sin? All goodness is in

obeying Allah and His Messenger, and all evil is in disobeying Allah and

His Messenger. End quote. Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/261-264).

This is a strong answer based on knowledge, and it is

sufficient to explain what is meant, which is that it is not permissible for

your mother to spoil the relationship between you and your husband, and it

is not permissible for you to obey her in that, and your husband’s right to

your obedience is greater than your mother’s.

Thirdly:

Just as you are not obliged to take care of any of your

siblings because of your commitment of your husband and the requirement that

he should first agree to that, the same applies to your visiting your mother

with your children. This is not permissible except with the consent of your

husband, and you have done well to refuse your mother’s request. We affirm

that this refusal is Islamically acceptable, especially since you have no

mahram to travel with you.

With regard to limiting the number of your mother’s visits to

you, this is something that is also up to your husband, and you can work it

out with him. The husband has the right to prevent anyone who he thinks is a

trouble-maker from entering his house, even if they are your family. As you

are in agreement and you have a good relationship, then the matter is

simple. All you have to do is agree on a specific number and time for her

visits, and stipulate that to her. Your husband has every right to do this;

indeed we think that if he stops her altogether he will be doing the right

thing, but there is the hope that if her visits are restricted to only a

few, and do not affect your family’s happiness, then there is no reason why

they should be prevented, and there is nothing wrong with tolerating them.

Determining the limit is up to you and you should consult one another and

come to some agreement.

Ash-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have

mercy on him) said: “And not allow into your houses anyone whom you dislike”

means, they (wives) should not allow anyone to enter the house if you (the

husband) do not want him or her to enter, even if it is her mother or her

father. It is not permissible for her to let her mother, father, sister,

brother, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, paternal aunt or maternal aunt into

her husband’s house, if he objects to that. Attention is drawn to this

because some women – Allah forbid – are bad even to their daughters. If

they see that the daughters are settled and happy with their husbands, they

become jealous – Allah forbid – even though they are mothers, and they try

to spoil things between the daughter and her husband. So the husband has the

right to stop such a mother from entering his house, and he has the right to

say to his wife: She should not enter my house. He has the right to prevent

her according to sharee’ah, and he has the right to prevent his wife from

going to see her, because she is a nammamah (one who spreads malicious gossip)

and a troublemaker. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon

him) said: “No spreader of malicious gossip will enter Paradise.” End quote.

Sharh Riyadh al-Saliheen (2/91, hadeeth no. 276),

Fourthly:

It seems that the sin of the riba-based loan that is

mentioned in your question is borne by you, because you were an adult and

responsible for your dealings. So try to get back what is rightfully yours

from your mother, and stop the mounting interest payments that result from

your delay in repaying it. Try not to pay back anything but the original

amount without the interest (riba). If you are not able to do that, then

there is no blame on you, but it is essential to repent sincerely, because

riba is a major sin.

We ask Allah to guide your mother and to reconcile between

you and your husband.

Please see also the answer to question no.

96665 which discusses the reasons

why mothers interfere in the lives of their married daughters, and ways of

dealing with that.

And Allah knows best.