Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

We ask Allaah to guide your children and to reward you with

the best of rewards for your concern and care and for advising them and

teaching and guiding those for whom Allaah has made you responsible.

It should be noted that raising children is difficult and

that it requires knowledge and wisdom, patience and forbearance. Children –

both male and female – go through different stages as they grow, and each

stage has its own problems. You have to understand this and pay attention to

it before starting to solve your son’s problem and his stopping memorizing

Qur’aan.

Secondly:

Parents should not give up their responsibility of guiding

their children just because of some incident that happens with one of them.

They should not stop guiding them and caring for them. The man is a shepherd

of his family and he will be responsible for them on the Day of

Resurrection. His flock – his wife and children – are a trust which Allaah

warns against neglecting and failing to take care of properly.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families

against a Fire”

[al-Tahreem 66:6]

“Truly, We did offer Al‑Amaanah (the trust or moral

responsibility or honesty and all the duties which Allaah has ordained) to

the heavens and the earth, and the mountains, but they declined to bear it

and were afraid of it (i.e. afraid of Allaah’s Torment). But man bore it.

Verily, he was unjust (to himself) and ignorant (of its results)”

[al-Ahzaab 33:72]

It was narrated that

‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of

you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and

is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is

responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house

and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of

his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and

each of you is responsible for his flock.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (853) and Muslim (1829).

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The one who neglects to teach his son that which will benefit

him and leaves him to his own devices has wronged him severely. Most

children only become corrupt because of their parents and their neglect of

them, and their failure to teach them the obligatory duties and sunnahs of

Islam. They neglect them when they are young then they are not able to

benefit themselves or their parents when they grow up.

Tuhfat al-Mawdood (p. 229).

Thirdly:

What your son has done by ceasing to memorize Qur’aan and

lead the prayer may be understood in two ways:

1 – That he is sincere in what he is saying, which is what

seems to us to be the case. In that case you must advise him and guide him

in the way that is best, and make him understand that there is no

contradiction between what you are telling him to do and having a sincere

intention. He can correct his intention if it was not right, and correcting

it is better for him in this world and in the Hereafter than giving up the

action altogether. You should also make him understand that the methods that

the shaytaan uses to stop the Muslim doing acts of worship and continuing in

them include whispering to him that his intention is not sound, and that he

is not doing it for the sake of Allaah, so that this Muslim will give up his

act of worship if he has started it, or he will refrain from starting it and

doing it if he had not started it, and thus the shaytaan will have attained

what he wanted.

You can ask your son this: What will he do with his children

when Allaah blesses him with children and he is responsible for them on the

Day of Resurrection? Undoubtedly – in sha Allaah – he will answer by saying

that he will tell them to do that which is to their benefit, and encourage

them to obey and worship Allaah, which includes memorizing Qur'aan and

prayer. If he is honest with you and gives you this answer, then he will

have committed himself, and given evidence against himself, and this is what

you yourself have done with him.

We advise you not to criticize him too much, and to discuss

with him. You can go to a scholar or seeker of knowledge whom he trusts to

discuss the matter with him, and hear something from someone other than you

who has knowledge that will put his mind at rest. You do not have to be the

one who advises him, changes his mind and convinces him, rather you should

delegate that to someone else, so that he will do that on the basis of being

pleased with what he has heard.

We also advise you to stop your shunning of him straight

away, and stop refusing to treat him kindly. Right now he is in the greatest

need of you and your compassion. He is suffering

from something that the imams and scholars also suffered from, which is the

issue of intention (niyyah). Imam Sufyaan al-Thawri (may Allaah have mercy

on him) said: I have never dealt with anything more difficult than my

intention. So beware of forsaking him, and beware of being too harsh with

him, lest you lose him forever. We ask Allaah not to let that happen.

2 – The second possibility is that he is lying, in which case

you have to find out whether your son has been affected by the sickness of

loss of interest and ambition. There are many causes for these sicknesses,

including the following:

(i)Influence of bad friends

(ii)Too many duties in school and

at home, so that he feels overwhelmed and gives up on some of them.

(iii)Finding the Qur’aan

memorization program too heavy, which has led to him becoming tired and

bored.

(iv)Not having the chance to relax

in permissible ways, such as going on trips, playing games, and watching

beneficial shows. Some fathers are too keen for their children not to pay

any attention to these things that allow for relaxation and bring more

energy for worship and obedience.

(v)Reaching the stage of puberty

and adolescence, which is a dangerous stage in a young man’s life. Parents

must pay attention to their sons when they reach this age, and treat their

sons as men, not children, and lightening up on the things they tell them to

do. The stage of persuasion and understanding should begin, which is totally

different from when they were small.

What we have mentioned are some of the possible causes. You

know what is really going on, whether he is telling the truth or lying.

Hence we said that raising children is difficult, and needs knowledge and

wisdom, patience and forbearance. It is not a simple matter, especially with

all the corrupt influences, distractions and the war against virtue,

chastity and righteousness that is being waged inside and outside.

Look for the reason why he has stopped memorizing Qur'aan and

given up his commitment. If he is telling the truth, then we have mentioned

above is the way to deal with it. If he is lying, then check on the

possibilities that we have mentioned, and seek the help of Allaah, asking

Him to guide you and help you. And do not forget to pray for your son, for

he is more in need of that than you.

This is the experience of a famous Qur’aan reader – Shaykh

Muhammad Siddeeq al-Manshaawi (d. 1388 AH). Read what his son Muhammad

al-Shaafa’i wrote about him and the way he took care of his children and

taught them to memorize Qur’aan.

Professor Muhammad Husayn Ibraaheem al-Rantaawi said:

Al-Shaafa’i Muhammad Siddeeq – the name of the shaykh’s son –

spoke of the methods of guiding and directing the children that his father

followed and said: My father was very keen that we should do the obligatory

duties, and he would often take us with him to the mosques where he read

Qur’aan. That was an opportunity for me to visit and get to know most of the

mosques of Egypt. He would also keep an eye on us when we chose our friends,

and he would insist that they come from religiously-committed families of

good character, and join his children in studying, and he would help them to

do their homework and attend parents’ meetings in the schools that his

children went to. During the summer holidays, he had us take part in sports

such as swimming and archery during the day, and at night he would read to

us the religious books that were suited to our age. Then when one of us had

acquired the habit of reading, he would supply him with books and encourage

him to read more. Before all of that came memorization of Qur’aan, so that

even the one who had been left out because he was too small was encouraged

by his father Shaykh Siddeeq to memorize Qur’aan, and he did that. End

quote.

Article entitled Muqri’ al-Sahwah al-Islamiyyah

al-Mu’aasirah al-Qaari’ al-Shaykh Muhammad Siddeeq al-Manshaawi

(1920-1969 CE).

Al-Firqaan magazine, published

by Jama’iyyah al-Muhaafizah ‘ala al-‘Qur’aan, Jordan, issue no. 41, Jumaada

al-Oola 1426 AH, 2005 CE.

Fourthly:

To this son of yours, whom we ask Allaah to help and guide to

that which He loves and which pleases Him, we say:

You should understand first of all that this devilish trick

to block people from following the way of Allaah has been known since

ancient times. The accursed one wants to prevent people from doing good

whenever he finds a way to do that, and he comes to each person in the way

that is appropriate.

Hence al-Fudayl ibn ‘Iyaad (may Allaah be pleased with him)

said:

Refraining from doing an action because of the people is

showing off, and doing it because of the people is shirk. Sincerity is when

Allaah protects you against both.

Al-Adhkaar by al-Nawawi (18).

It was narrated that al-Haarith ibn Qays al-Ja’fi said: If

you are doing something that has to do with the Hereafter then continue and

if you are doing something that has to do with this world then be careful.

If you intend to something good then do not delay it, and if the shaytaan

comes to you when you are praying and says ‘You are showing off,’ then make

it longer. Narrated by Imam Ahmad in al-Zuhd (430), with a saheeh

isnaad.

Undoubtedly you know the status of Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih

al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), and we think that you know

that he is one of the trustworthy scholars. We believe that you respect and

admire him, and we would never misquote the Shaykh. We will let you read

what he said about a problem similar to yours and we hope that you will pay

attention to his answer and act upon it, because that will bring you

happiness and goodness in this world and in the Hereafter.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have

mercy on him) was asked:

What is your advice to a seeker of knowledge who has worked

hard to correct his intention and to be sincere, but he could not manage to

do that? He is afraid that the ahaadeeth which carry a stern warning

addressed to the one whose intention is not sincerely for the sake of Allaah

alone will apply to him, and he will soon stop seeking knowledge. Please

advise us, may you be rewarded.

He replied:

This is an importance question for the seeker of knowledge,

for knowledge is one of the best and greatest acts of worship, which Allaah

has made equivalent to jihad for His sake, as He says, may He be blessed and

exalted (interpretation of the meaning):

“And it is not (proper) for the believers to go out to

fight (Jihad) all together. Of every troop of them, a party only should go

forth, that they (who are left behind) may get instructions in (Islamic)

religion, and that they may warn their people when they return to them, so

that they may beware (of evil)”

[al-Tawbah 9:122]

Allaah tells us that the believers cannot all go out to fight

in jihad for the sake of Allaah; rather a few from every group should learn

the principles of the religion of Allaah, so that they may warn their people

when they return in order that they may beware (of evil), and the others

should fight for the sake of Allaah.

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon

him) said: “When Allaah wills good for a person, He causes him to understand

the religion.” If a person thinks that Allaah has caused him to understand

his religion, then he should accept the glad tidings that Allaah has willed

good for him, and he must be sincere in his intention towards Allaah when

seeking knowledge, by having the following intentions in his pursuit

thereof:

Firstly: Obeying the command of Allaah, may He be blessed and

exalted, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “So know (O

Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) that Laa

ilaaha illAllaah (none has the right to be worshipped but Allaah” [Muhammad

47:19]. Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He started with

knowledge, before words or deeds.

Secondly:  He should intend by his learning to preserve the

laws of Allaah, for sharee’ah is preserved in people’s hearts and in books.

Thirdly: he should intend by his learning to protect the

sharee’ah of Allaah against its enemies, because its enemies have been

trying to undermine it since the Messenger (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) was sent and they will carry on trying to do so until

the Hour begins. So by seeking knowledge let him intend to protect the great

sharee’ah.

Fourthly: He should intend thereby to defend sharee’ah if

anyone attacks it, and in that case he must learn the weapons with which he

will defend his knowledge. Rather we say that he should focus on the issues

concerning which the enemies of Allaah try to cause confusion, and tackle

each issue in the manner that befits it. People vary with regard to this

matter. Some people may try to cause confusion about ‘aqeedah, so one needs

to learn ‘aqeedah by means of which he can ward off false beliefs. Some

people may attack Islam by means of bad manners, so he has to learn good

manners and learn the consequences of bad manners, and so on.

Fifthly: The seeker of knowledge must also intend by his

pursuit of knowledge to worship Allaah in the manner that Allaah approves

of, because without learning a man cannot know how to worship Allaah whether

that is in his wudoo’, his prayer, his charity, his fasting or his hajj. He

should also call others to Allaah with his knowledge, explaining sharee’ah

to people and calling them to adhere to it.

In fact knowledge is one of the best acts of worship and one

of the greatest and most beneficial. Hence you will find the that Shaytaan

is keep to keep people from acquiring knowledge; he will come to a person

and tell him that he is seeking knowledge to show off, so that the people

will see him and think that he is a scholar, so he will lose interest and

will say: I should keep away from showing off? Or he will come to him and

tell him: Have the intention when seeking shar’i knowledge of making some

worldly gain, so that the warning “The one who seeks knowledge that should

be sought  for the sake of Allaah, but he does it only for some worldly

gain, will not smell the fragrance of Paradise” will apply to you. And he

comes to him with many things that will prevent him from seeking knowledge.

But one must seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan, and go

ahead with his plans, and not pay any attention to these whispers that enter

his heart. Every time he feels that something is distracting him from

seeking knowledge – by whatever means – he should say, “A’oodhu Billaahi

min al-shaytaan il-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed

satan)” and “ Allaahumma a’inni (O Allaah, help me) and so on.

And I say to this student:

Go ahead and seek knowledge, and do not let the shaytaan

keep you from remembering Allaah or seeking knowledge. Carry on even though

you will encounter difficulty and hardship in making your intention correct,

but correcting one’s intention is something easy. Go ahead, O young man, and

seek the help of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, and seek refuge

with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan.

Fataawa Noor ‘Ala al-Darb (al’Ilm),

quoting from the website of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on

him).

We think that there is a great deal of good in you, in sha

Allaah, and that the words of the imams of knowledge and faith, and the

advice of Shaykh al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) will all have

an effect on your heart, mind and life.

You should remember that your father does not want anything

but good for you, and that every act of worship and obedience that you do is

for you and your father.

And remember that attaining victory by the blessing of the

Qur'aan in the Hereafter will be shared between you and your parents, and

the loss caused by neglecting it will also be shared between you and them.

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be

pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur'aan:

Recite and rise in status, and recite as you used to recite in the world,

and your status will be at the last verse you recite.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood (1464) and classed as saheeh by

al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

It was narrated that Buraydah (may Allaah be pleased with

him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be

upon him) said: “Whoever reads the Qur’aan and learns it and acts upon it

will be given a crown of light to wear on the Day of Resurrection, the light

of which is like the light of the sun, and his parents will be clothed with

two suits the equivalent of which is not to be found in this world, and they

will say: Why have we been clothed with this? And it will be said: Because

your son learned the Qur’aan.”

Narrated by al-Haakim (1/756); he said it is saheeh according

to the conditions of Muslim. Al-Albaani said It is hasan because of

corroborating evidence, as it says in Saheeh al-Targheeb.

Goodness and happiness lie in obeying Allaah in this world,

and obeying your parents is obligatory for you. The acts of worship that you

do are not for any human being, rather they are for Allaah your Lord. We ask

Allaah to guide you and help you to do that which He loves and which pleases

Him.

And Allaah is the Source of strength.