Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

With regard to your father, you have to keep on advising him

and reminding him of what Allaah has enjoined upon him with regard to

himself and to his family.

You have to try different methods of advising him. It may be

hard for him to hear it from you, but do not despair of reminders and

exhortations reaching him by way of your relatives or his friends. You could

also let him listen to some useful tapes.

Secondly:

You have to fear Allaah with regard to your husband. You

should not bring the worries of your family into your husband’s house and

place them on his shoulders, especially since he treats you well and you do

not see anything from him that upsets you. What you have to do is to

appreciate him and treat him kindly. This is what Allaah commands you to

do.

Thirdly:

No one is free of diseases – except those on whom Allaah has

mercy. The fact that your father likes to show off and to appear to be

better than others means that you have to be compassionate towards him, not

resent him. The fact that he has treated you badly and is still doing so

means that you should show mercy towards him, for if he dies and meets his

Lord in that state, then he will meet Him with many sins.

Hence you and your siblings and family have to look again at

your relationship with your father and your attitude towards him, for Allaah

has commanded us to treat parents well and honour them, even if they call us

to shirk and kufr. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in

worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them

not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him

who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your

return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[Luqmaan 31:15]

Ibraaheem (peace be upon

him) debated with his mushrik father politely, as Allaah tells us

(interpretation of the meaning):

“And mention in the Book (the Qur’aan) Ibraaheem

(Abraham). Verily, he was a man of truth, a Prophet.

42. When he said to his father: ‘O my father! Why do you

worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot avail you in anything?

43. ‘O my father! Verily, there has come to me of the

knowledge that which came not unto you. So follow me, I will guide you to

the Straight Path.

44. ‘O my father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan). Verily,

Shaytaan (Satan) has been a rebel against the Most Gracious (Allaah).

45. ‘O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the

Most Gracious (Allaah) should overtake you, so that you become a companion

of Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hell-fire).’

46. He (the father) said: ‘Do you reject my gods, O

Ibraaheem (Abraham)? If you stop not (this), I will indeed stone you. So get

away from me safely (before I punish you).’

47. Ibraaheem (Abraham) said: ‘Peace be on you! I will ask

forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto me Ever Most Gracious’”

[Maryam 19:41-47]

Look at the etiquette of this Prophet (peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how he addressed his mushrik father who

was threatening his Muslim son. In this there is a great lesson for those

who suffer a similar problem with their fathers.

Fourthly:

With regard to the grief that you feel, it should not make

you stop doing things or prevent you from doing acts of worship, or make you

fall short in doing that which Allaah has enjoined upon you, such as the

duties that Allaah has enjoined upon you towards your husband, or the duty

to call your father to Allaah.

We advise you to recite a du’aa’ for protection, and another

for healing.

The du’aa’ for protection is as follows:

It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him)

that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to

say: “Allaahumma inni a’oodhu bika min al-hammi wa’l-hazani wa’l’ajzi

wa’l-kasali wa’l-jubni wa’l-bukhli wa dala’ il-dayn wa ghalbat al-rijaal

(O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from worry, grief, incapacity, laziness,

cowardice, miserliness, from being heavily indebt

and from being overcome by men).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008.

The du’aa’ for healing is as follows:

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The

Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“If a person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow says: ‘Allaahumma inni

‘abduka wa ibnu ‘abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya

hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta

bihi nafsaka aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw

asta’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’a

qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am

Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in

Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me

is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You with which You have named

Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or You have

revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen

with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heat and the light of my

breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’, then

Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow, and will replace it with

joy.”

It was said: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we not learn it?”

He said: “Yes, whoever hears it should learn it.”

Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by Shaykh

al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199.

And Allaah knows best.