Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Desire continues to grow in the heart of the son of Adam

until it destroys him, and no one is deprived of contentment but he will

find himself lost in the valleys of confusion and depression, turning right

and left in the hope of finding that which he wishes and longs for to give

him satisfaction, but nothing will fill the heart of the son of Adam but

dust, and Allaah accepts the repentance of those who repent.

The worst of desire is that which leads to transgression

against the sanctity and honour of others, such as desire for the wives of

other Muslims which leads to transgression against their honour, or when

women desire young Muslim men and a woman is not content with the husband

with whom Allaah has blessed her. The Muslims all know that pleasure cannot

be attained by disobeying Allaah, may He be exalted, and that happiness can

only be attained by obeying and heeding the sacred limits of Allaah.

Sin was the cause that led to the downfall of previous

nations. Do you think that it can be the cause of a person’s happiness? Sin

is also the path that leads to punishment, so do you want it to being

blessings?

Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation

of the meaning):

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of

what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30]

It may be easy to fall into error, because the nafs is

inclined towards sin in pursuit of pleasure and whims and desires. But it is

difficult to bear the consequences and effects of those mistakes.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Patience in resisting desires is easier than patience in

dealing with the consequences that result from going along with desires,

because it either leads to pain and punishment or it prevents a more

complete pleasure, or it wastes time and leads to loss and regret, or it is

a violation of honour which one is better off not violating, or it is a loss

of wealth, keeping which is better than losing it, or it leads to a loss of

status and position, keeping which is better than losing it, or it deprives

one of a blessing, having which is more pleasurable and better than

fulfilling desires, or it gives an ignoble person cause to insult you when

he did not have this opportunity before, or it brings distress, sadness and

fear that cannot be matched by the pleasure of desire, or causes one to

forget knowledge, remembering which is better than fulfilling desires, or it

makes an enemy rejoice and makes a friend sad, or it cuts off an oncoming

blessing, or it has a negative impact on one’s character that will remain,

because deeds have a great impact on one’s character and behaviour. End

quote.

Al-Fawaa’id (p. 139)

And now the problem that you are facing today is no more than

the result of your accumulated mistakes and the sins that you took lightly,

then you did not repent properly from them.

As for your talking to that young man, it is one of the worst

things that could be done by a woman whom Allaah has blessed with a husband,

home and children. It is sufficient for her to look at the misery endured by

many others who are deprived of happy homes and a life of ease.

Your husband has taken care of rebuking and blaming you. He

tells you every day words that would make mountains tremble – as you

describe it. The point here is that you should understand in the depths of

your heart the seriousness of the error you have made.

As for what you say about your not fulfilling his desires and

needs before that, this is another sin which has had a big impact in

changing the situation of your family and bringing about this pain and

suffering.

Did you not know that obedience to the husband is obligatory

and that serving him and responding to his call and fulfilling his needs is

one of the best things that a wife can do, both before Allaah and before

other people?  It was narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah have

mercy on him) said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, this daughter of mine

refuses to get married. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be

upon him) said to her: “Obey your father.” She said: By the One Who sent you

with the truth, I will not get married until you tell me what the husband’s

rights over his wife are. He said: “The husband’s rights over his wife are

such that if he had an ulcer and she licked it, she would not have fulfilled

his rights.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i in al-Sunan al-Kubra (2/283).

Al-Mundhiri said in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (3/98): Its isnaad is

jayyid. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’

(3148).

We will tell you frankly: The remedy begins with this idea:

It starts with obeying and pleasing Allaah, may He be

glorified, because calamities start with disobedience towards Him. Allaah

has promised the penitent that He will turn his bad deeds into good ones,

and He has promised to bestow grace and reward.

Repentance starts by resolving to give up the sin that one

has committed, and to cut off all haraam ties. In your case it starts with

cancelling the mobile phone altogether, and not going back to it until your

husband agrees to buy you a new number. If you do this then you will have

proven to your husband and to yourself that you are sincere in your

repentance and your desire to mend your ways.

How can you want your husband to overlook the past when you

yourself have not overlooked it and are going back to it?!

Your husband has done you a great favour by giving you

another chance to live with him. Perhaps the real reason for that is that he

loves you, otherwise the logical sequence of events would have been for this

story to lead to scandal, separation and divorce. But Allaah has blessed you

and been kind to you, by concealing you and giving you a house and a family,

so you must show kindness to your husband in return, and observe the limits

of Allaah concerning him, and cut off all ties and all means of getting back

in touch with this man who has transgressed against you. But what you did

was to repeat the mistake and persist in sin and take the matter of

repentance lightly.

Do you expect that after that you will helped to change for

the better?

How can you allow yourself to listen again to the voice of

that young man and receive messages from him again? How can you go back to

burdening your husband with the stress of waswaas that affects every man who

sees something suspicious on his wife’s part? How can you expect him to

trust you again when you have not shown yourself to be trustworthy? We

affirm to you that continuing in this manner will lead to a greater loss

than that which you are facing now. Think about your situation if your

husband tells your family about what you are doing. Undoubtedly the stress

you will face will be worse than what you are facing now.  We urge you to

mend your ways as it is essential. You have already made a good start, but

you have a long way to go. We advise you to fear Allaah and be keen to take

care of your house, husband and family. Do not pay attention to anything but

seeking the pleasure of Allaah; let that be your concern. Be steadfast and

do not despair. Keep trying and do not stop treating your husband kindly and

obeying him in that which is good and proper. Do not be put off by your

husband’s bad treatment. If you are sincere towards Allaah in adhering to

His laws, He will set things straight for you with your husband, even if it

is after a while; He will restore the happiness you seek and will ward off

all temptation and misery from you. What does anyone want in life but a

quiet life in good health as a true slave of Allaah? If Allaah blessed a

person with any of that, let him strive to protect the blessing by giving

thanks for it and fearing Allaah with regard to it. Contentment is a

treasure that never fades away.

We ask Allaah for guidance, help and happiness.

And Allaah knows best.