Aslam

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:

If the

waleemah is for a wedding, then it is obligatory to attend it, for the one

who is invited personally, according to the majority of fuqaha’.

But if the

invitation is general, and he is not invited by name, then he does not have

to attend.

Ibn Qudaamah

(may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: There is no

difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the fact that it is

obligatory to attend a waleemah for the one who is invited to it, so long as

there is no idle entertainment in it. This is the view of Maalik,

al-Shaafa’i and Abu Haneefah.

It was

narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger

of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one of

you is invited to a waleemah, let him attend.” According to another version:

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

said: “Accept this invitation when you are invited.” Abu Hurayrah said: “The

worst of food is the food of a waleemah to which the rich are invited and

the poor are ignored. Whoever does not attend has disobeyed Allaah and His

Messenger.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari.

What is

meant – and Allaah knows best – by the words “the worst of food is the food

of a waleemah” is the food of a feast to which the rich are invited and the

poor are ignored. It dos not mean that the food of any waleemah is the worst

of food.

But it is

only obligatory to attend for one who is invited specifically, when a man or

a group is invited by name. But if someone issues an invitation and says, “O

people, come to the waleemah,” it is not obligatory to respond, and it is

not mustahabb to do so. Rather it is permissible to accept because one is

included in the general invitation. End quote from al-Mughni

(7/213).

Secondly:

If there are

people at the waleemah who will cause offence, it is not obligatory to

attend. This is an excuse not to attend.

This was

stated by some of the fuqaha’. In that case he has to apologize to the one

who gave the invitation, or attend for a short while and leave quickly.

It says in

Tuhfat al-Muhtaaj (7/430), where the conditions of it being

obligatory to accept an invitation are mentioned: There should not be in the

place where he is to attend anyone who will offend the invited one by means

of outward hostility or destructive envy (hasad), or anyone with whom it is

not appropriate to sit, such as vile and despicable people. End quote.

Thirdly:

If the

waleemah is not for a wedding, it is not obligatory to attend, even if one

is especially invited to it.

Ibn Qudaamah

(may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/218): The ruling

on accepting invitations to circumcision waleemahs and all other invitations

except to weddings, is that it is mustahabb, because it involves offering

food to people. But accepting the invitation is mustahabb, not waajib

(obligatory). This is the view of Maalik, al-Shaafa’i, and Abu Haneefah and

his companions. End quote.

Based on

this, there is no sin on you if you do not attend these waleemahs, if they

are not for weddings.

Fourthly:

For a woman

to uphold ties of kinship with her brothers and sisters is something that is

confirmed in sharee’ah, because of the commands to uphold the ties of

kinship that are mentioned in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and the prohibition on

severing those ties. This upholding of family ties may be achieved through

visits, phone calls and asking after family members, depending on what one

is able to do.

You should

not fall short in this great act of worship, and not let your brothers’

coldness and lack of kindness push you to do that. You will be rewarded for

upholding ties with them, even if they fall short towards you, because the

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who

upholds the ties of kinship is not the one who reciprocates, rather the one

who upholds the ties of kinship is the one who upholds those ties even if

his relatives cut him off.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5645).

The one who

reciprocates his relatives, and returns favours and treats them well if they

treat him well, is not the one who is upholding ties of kinship as required

by sharee’ah. Rather the upholding of kinship ties that is required in

sharee’ah is that which involves treating relatives well even when they

treat you badly.

But if

meeting often will cause annoyance, there is no sin in reducing the

frequency, whilst remaining in touch at infrequent intervals or by phone,

etc.

But it is

better to hasten to remove the misunderstanding between you and your

brothers, and try hard to improve your relationship with them. That is

better for all of you in this world and in the Hereafter.

And Allaah

knows best.