Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

We praise Allaah for having guided you to Islam and we ask

Him to increase you in guidance, faith and steadfastness.

Secondly:

Menstruation is something that Allaah has decreed for women.

It is well known that the menstruating woman may feel stressed and irritable

during her menses, but she has to fear Allaah and try hard to be patient;

she has to restrain her tongue and avoid things that Allaah has forbidden

such as swearing, insulting others, and so on. She must strive to control

herself with regard to that (jihad al-nafs), and she will find a change and

improvement, in sha Allaah.

Thirdly:

The husband should pay attention to his wife’s feelings and

be sympathetic if she is suffering with anything. He should overlook her

mistakes and try to comfort her, and be patient in doing so. He should not

hasten to punish her or leave her, for married life is not based on

separation, rather it is based on stability and continuity. Life is not free

of disturbances, and the couple will succeed to the extent that they are

able to overcome troubles and create happiness and affection between one

another.

Fourthly:

The husband has no right to harm his wife physically; it is

not permissible for him to hit her except in the case where other means of

correction have  failed, such as warning her and forsaking her in her bed.

If hitting becomes permissible, then it should not be done with the

intention of causing harm, rather the intention should be to rebuke and

discipline. Hence it is stipulated that it should not be a blow that leaves

a mark or causes pain. But hitting should not be resorted to except in

extreme cases.

End quote from Fataawa ‘Ushrat al-Nisa’, p. 151, by

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him).

Fifthly:

The husband should help his family to obey Allaah and make it

easy for them to acquire beneficial knowledge, by bringing home books and

tapes, or taking them to Islamic centres so that they can learn how to read

Qur’aan and about Islam. If your husband falls short in this regard, you can

acquire many tapes through the Internet or by contacting some Islamic

centres that are close to you.

Sixthly:

Anger, swearing and feelings overwhelmed with what you have

to do may be dealt with in several ways:

1 – Seeking refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan

when feeling angry. Al-Bukhaari (3282) and Muslim (2610) narrated that

Sulaymaan ibn Surad said: I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) and two men were trading insults, One of

them was red in the face and his veins were standing out. The Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I know a word which, if

he said it, what he is feeling would go away. If he said, ‘I seek refuge

with Allaah from the Shaytaan,’ what he is feeling would go away.”

2 – Changing one’s posture when feeling angry. Abu Dawood

(4782) narrated that Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The

Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to

us: “If one of you gets angry when he is standing, let him sit down; if his

anger disappears, all well and good, otherwise let him lie down.” Classed as

saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

3 – Bring to mind the reward for patience, forbearance and

restraining your anger, for that is the characteristic of the pious who are

promised Paradise, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And march forth in the

way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as

the heavens and the earth, prepared for Al-Muttaqoon (the pious).

134. Those who spend (in Allaah’s Cause) in prosperity and

in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allaah loves

Al-Muhsinoon (the good‑doers)”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:133-134]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

said: “Whoever restrains his anger when he is able to act upon it, Allaah

will fill his heart with pleasure on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by

Ibn Abi’l-Dunya; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb,

2623.

4 – Remember that anger

and swearing will not avail you anything and will not relieve you of any

burden, rather you earn sin thereby, and they bring more worry and stress.

Help and ease only come by drawing close to Allaah, may He be exalted, and

by striving to obey Him.

5 – You should organize your time and hasten to carry out any

tasks you have to do, so that they will not pile up and make you feel

overwhelmed.

6 – You should avail yourself of the beneficial treatment

that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught to

his daughter Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her), when she complained

that she had too much work and it was burdensome, and she needed a servant.

Al-Bukhaari (6318) and Muslim (2728) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah

be pleased with him) that Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) came to

the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him

for a servant, complaining about her work. He said to her: “Shall I not tell

you of something that is better for you than a servant? Say Subhaan-Allaah

(Glory be to Allaah) thirty-three times, al-hamdu-Lillaah (praise be

to Allaah) thirty-three times, and Allaahu akbar (Allaah is Most

Great) thirty-four times when you go to bed.” Some of the scholars have

explained this hadeeth by noting that the one who regularly remembers Allaah

will be given strength that is greater than the strength used by a servant,

or things will become easy for him and he will no longer need a servant.

End quote from Fath al-Baari.

We ask Allaah to grant you help, steadfastness and success.

And Allaah knows best.