Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

We ask Allaah to bless you with tranquility and peace of

mind, and to take away the stress and worry that you are experiencing, and

to grant you the means of goodness and success.

We do not think that what you have mentioned of tiredness

and pain is experienced by everyone who goes through what you have gone

through. But at the least there is a measure of stress that a woman goes

through when she loses her husband and has to start dealing directly with

the burdens of life.  Moreover, women vary in their ability to put up with

things and try to overcome them. There are many divorced woman who have been

able to overcome these problems, and live happy and contented lives. This

depends on certain reasons which may be the solution in your case, in sha

Allah. There follow some of them, for you to ponder and try to put into

practice, so that you can regain the happiness that you have lost.

1 – Developing a strong relationship with Allaah. That

includes believing that this problem and others happen by the will and

decree of Allaah and that Allaah is more compassionate and merciful towards

you than a mother towards her child, and that His decree is good for His

slave, both in the short and long term. Calamities expiate sin, bearing them

with patience raises one in status, and when Allaah loves His slave He tests

him.

2 – You have two choices:

either you can live feeling miserable, worried and anxious, or you can bear

it with patience and seek reward, in the hope of attaining reward and rising

in status. Your sorrow will neither advance you nor put you back, as the

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The greatest

reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allaah loves a people He tests

them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with

that earns His wrath.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; Ibn Maajah, 4031;

classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

3 – Pondering the

blessings of Allaah, and striving to show gratitude for them, and comparing

these many blessings with the calamity that befell you. This opens the heart

to contentment. So think of how many blessings Allaah has bestowed upon you,

in your religion, your self, your health, your wealth and your children.

Think of the calamities that have befallen others. How many women are

paralyzed, how many suffer calamities that befall their children, or are

tested in their religious commitment, or suffer sickness, and so on. If you

think about this you will find that you are enjoying blessings for which you

are to be envied. You will realize that there are people who are suffering

greater calamities than you. This should make things easier for you and make

you give praise and thanks, and acknowledge the bounty and mercy of Allaah.

4 – Thinking about the calamity that has befallen you, and

seeing the blessings that may be hidden therein. How many married women

suffer from harsh treatment and abuse from their husbands and live a

miserable life with them. You have been spared all that, so give praise to

Allaah.

5 – Filling your time with things that will bring benefit in

this world and in the Hereafter. For example, you could join a centre that

teaches memorization of the Holy Qur’aan, attend religious lectures, read

useful books, learn useful domestic skills such as sewing, and so on.

6 – Paying attention to the ultimate goal, which is to earn

the pleasure of Allaah and attain His Paradise and be saved from the Fire.

This requires buckling down to hard work and serious effort. That is the

basis of true success and true happiness in life. Allaah says

(interpretation of the meaning):

“And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted to

Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the

enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:185]

7 – Having certain faith

that what is with Allaah is better for you; that He is the Most Merciful of

those who show mercy; that He is with the pious (those who fear Him) and

loves those who do good; He rewards those who are patient and helps the

believers, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female —

while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him

We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful

provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the

best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97]

Beware of complaining

about Him to His creation, because you are complaining about the One who has

mercy to one who has no mercy. The Prophet (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever is struck by poverty and he goes around

telling people about it (and complaining about it in the hope of receiving

help), then his calamity will not be relieved. Whoever is struck by poverty

and he complains to Allaah about it, Allaah will grant him relief sooner or

later.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2326; Abu Dawood, 1645; classed as

saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

8 – Frequently recite this du’aa’ which was narrated from the

Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him):

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be

pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) said: “If a person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow

says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka wa ibnu ‘abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati

bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka as’aluka bi kulli

ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw

anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw asta’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘indaka an

taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’a qalbi wa noora sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba

hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female

slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed

and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You

with which You have named Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your

creation, or You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in the

knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my

heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a

release for my anxiety)’, then Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow,

and will replace it with joy.”

It was said: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we not learn it?”

He said: “Yes, whoever hears it should learn it.”

Narrated by Ahmad; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in

al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199

We ask Allaah to relieve you of your anxiety and replace it

with joy.

And Allaah knows

best.