Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

A common mistake is for each spouse to tell the other

everything about their previous lives before marriage, on the grounds that

they should not leave anything of their past lives untold to their new loves

and should be completely frank and open, so their relationship will have a

strong foundation with nothing to affect it.

Real life has shown this idea to be a failure, because in

most cases the spouses cannot stand this. If they put up with it at the

beginning when the intensity of new love prevents an immediate reaction,

then when love cools down things that were hidden begin to appear and affect

their lives and make things difficult for them. Then problems begin to

appear and the flames of jealousy begin to burn and the relationship begins

to break down.

Whatever happened before you got married is over and belongs

in the past, and no one among people should know of it no matter what his

status or how close he is to you. If it was a sin and you have repented with

all the conditions of repentance, it is between you and Allaah, may He be

glorified and exalted, because repentance is what erases whatever sins come

before it, not telling the husband.

One of the conditions of repentance is regretting what has

happened, giving up the sin and resolving not to go back to it. And you

should also do a lot of good deeds and pray for forgiveness, to make up for

what you have missed.

And the believer is enjoined to conceal himself.

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon

him) said: “Avoid these reprehensible things which Allaah has forbidden, but

whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment

of Allaah.” Narrated by al-Haakim and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in

Saheeh al-Jaami’ (149).

Al-Bukhaari (6069) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be

pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be

upon him) said: “All of my ummah will be fine except those who commit sin

openly. It is part of committing sin openly for a man to do something at

night then in the morning, when Allaah has concealed him, he says: ‘O So and

so, I did such and such last night,’ when all night his Lord had concealed

him, but the next day he discloses what Allaah had concealed for him.”

What you have mentioned about your love for your husband,

which is the basis for married life, is a good start and a solid foundation

for solving the differences that exist between you, in sha Allaah.

Show your husband this love in real terms, by showing you

care about him. Change your attitude towards him, change yourself, your

appearance, your house, make a real change.

Perhaps he is bored of routine and the rhythm of daily life

in which there is no change.

Try to attract his attention to you, your house and your

daughter in all the ways that you can, but beware of complaining or showing

that you are unhappy about some of his private affairs because that would be

an obstacle to reaching an understanding between you.

Adopt the etiquette of Islam and beware of being

hot-tempered, because the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be

upon him) advised against getting angry.

Al-Bukhaari (6116) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be

pleased with him) that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings

of Allaah be upon him): Advise me. He said: “Do not get angry.” He repeated

it several times, saying: “Do not get angry.”

We are also enjoined to guard our tongues. The Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said when he was advising

Mu’aadh (may Allaah be pleased with him): “Restrain this,” i.e., your

tongue. I said: O Messenger of Allaah, will we be called to account for what

we say? He said: “May your mother be bereft of you, O Mu’aadh! Will people

be thrown in Hell on their faces or their noses for anything other than the

harvest of their tongues?” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi; classed as saheeh by

al-Albaani in Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Saheehah (772).

What you have mentioned about your being hot-tempered and

sharp-tongued are things that lead to destruction and destroy the basis of

family life.

Perhaps these are the reason why your husband has turned away

from you. Perhaps he finds with this family and other people the respect and

good manners that he does not find with you, and that has made him resort to

what he is doing.

So try to change the way you behave and control yourself.

Turn to Allaah and pray that you and he be guided and develop a good

attitude and proper etiquette, for Allaah is Ever-Near, Most Responsive.

I ask Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, to bring you

together and may He help us and you to do that which He loves and which

pleases Him.

And Allaah knows

best.