Aslam

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:

It is very strange to see

people who insist on following the path that leads to doom and destruction.

It is very strange to see

people who will sink to any depths for the sake of a fleeting moment of

physical pleasure or illusionary happiness.

A person whom Allaah has

blessed with a family and children, then he or she is not content with that,

and rather tries to break up other people’s families and destroy their

happiness.

That makes me wonder, what

type of happiness is that person seeking, and what sort of whims and desires

is he or she following?

And here you are …you can

no longer see anything in your wife and the mother of your children, except

that she has gotten very fat and dos not look after herself!

How strange it is that the

shaytaan can make attractive to people that which Allaah has forbidden, and

divert them by all means from that which Allaah has permitted to them.

For whom should your wife

look after herself, when you have forsaken her bed for such a long time and

you did not stop there, rather you decided to go and live in one city when

your wife and children are living in another.

Is this how families should

be? Is this how you take care of your family whom Allaah has entrusted to

your care?

If it so happens that a man

is not satisfied with one wife, or she falls short in her duties towards

him, then Allaah has made it easier for us Muslims and has permitted us to

take four wives, one of whom may make up for the shortcomings of another, in

return for the husband looking after them and their children, and treating

them all fairly.

Meeting one’s needs is not

done by looking at that with which Allaah has blessed other people, or in

which He has favoured them over us, whether that is in terms of a wife,

children or wealth.

“And wish not for the

things in which Allaah has made some of you to excel others. For men there

is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is

reward for what they have earned, and ask Allaah of His Bounty. Surely,

Allaah is Ever All‑Knower of everything”

[al-Nisa’ 4:32]

As Allaah has blessed us

with enough of that which is permissible, then what need do we have of

immoral ways for the purpose of gratification, unless all a man cares about

is pursuing his rrational desires?

It was narrated from Abu

Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who

turns a woman against her husband or a slave against his master.” Narrated

by Abu Dawood (2175); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi

Dawood.

Abu Dawood (5170) also

narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever corrupts a man’s wife or

slave is not one of us.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi

Dawood.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeem

Abaadi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

“turns a woman against her

husband” means by mentioning the husband’s bad qualities in to his wife, or

mentioning the good qualities of a stranger (non-mahram man) to her.

‘Awn al-Ma’bood

(6/159).

And he said: “The one who

corrupts a man’s wife” means he turns her (against her husband) or makes the

idea of divorce attractive to her so that he can marry her or arrange her

marriage to someone else, and so on.

‘Awn al-Ma’bood

(14/52).

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn

Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about an imam (leading

people in prayer) who turns a woman against her husband so that she will

leave him and he can be alone with her – can people pray behind him? What is

the ruling on him?

He replied:

In al-Musnad it is

narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)

said:  “He is not one of us who turns a woman against her husband or a slave

against his master”. So the man’s attempt to separate a woman from her

husband is one of the gravest of sins; this is what the practitioners of

witchcraft try to do all the time, which is one of the worst deeds of the

devils, especially if he turns her against her husband in order to marry

her, as well as persisting in being alone with her, and especially if

circumstantial evidence shows that. Such a man should not be appointed as

imam of a mosque unless he repents, and if he repents, Allaah will accept

his repentance. If it is possible to pray someone else who is of good

character then people should pray behind him and not pray behind the one who

commits immoral actions openly for no need. And Allaah knows best.

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa

(23/363).

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah

have mercy on him) said:

The Messenger of Allaah

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does

that, and disavowed him, and it is a major sin. If the Prophet (peace

and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade a man to propose marriage to a

woman to whom his brother has already proposed, or to outbid him, then how

about one who tries to separate a man and his wife or slave woman in order

to get be with them. Lovers of physical outward beauty and the pimps who

help them do not see that as a sin, because the lover’s seeking to be with

the one whom he loves and to share her with her husband or master is a kind

of sin and transgression against the rights of others, and that is no less

serious than committing the immoral action itself, if not worse. But the

rights of others are not waived by repenting from immoral actions; although

the rights of Allaah are waived when one repents, the rights of other people

remain in effect and they will have the right to demand them on the Day of

Resurrection. If the husband has been wronged by the corruption of his

beloved (wife) and she has been led to betray him, that is a greater wrong

than taking all of his wealth. Hence this is more upsetting for him than if

his wealth was taken and there is no pain greater than that except shedding

his blood. What a grave sin that is greater than committing the immoral

action itself. If this transgression is done to someone who is out on

campaign (for the sake of Allaah), then the sinner will be made to stand on

the Day of Resurrection, and it will be said to him (the victom): Take from

his hasanaat whatever you wish, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of

Allaah be upon him) told us, then he said: What do you think? i.e., what do

you think will be left of his hasanaat? If in addition to that the one who

was wronged was a neighbour, or a blood relative, then the wrongdoing is

compounded, and the wrongdoing includes severing ties of kinship and harming

a neighbour, and no one who severs ties of kinship will enter Paradise, and

neither will one from whose harm his neighbour was not safe.

Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi

(p. 14).

Turning a wife against her

husband does not only mean pushing her to demand a divorce; rather trying to

play with her emotions and causing her to fall in love with you is one of

the worst kinds of corruption and wrongdoing.

Yes, you did something

serious when you got to know this woman and kept in touch with her until you

destroyed her family, and she also did something serious when she fell in

love with someone other than her husband, and asked him for a divorce, so

she destroyed her family herself, and asked for something that was not

permissible for her.

It was narrated from

Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and

blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a

divorce for no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi

(1187), Abu Dawood (2226) and Ibn Majaah (2055); classed as saheeh by

al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

We hope that by means of

this stern rebuke Allaah will stir the conscience of everyone who reads this

answer and so that they will think about the evil consequences of

transgressing the set limits and taking lightly the matter of contacting the

opposite sex and speaking to them. We have quoted several times the view of

the scholars that this is haraam.

See:

26890,

52768,

66266

and 59907.

We also hope that this will

prompt both of you to repent sincerely to Allaah and ask Him for forgiveness

for what has happened, and finally to restore people’s rights.

You should note that Allaah

accepts repentance from His slaves if it is sincere, and that the door of

His mercy is open and will not be shut until the sun rises from the west. In

many cases a person is better after sinning and repenting from it than he

was before.

Allaah says (interpretation

of the meaning):

“Say: “O ‘Ibaadi (My

slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds

and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all

sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.

54. “And turn in

repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islamic Monotheism) to your

Lord and submit to Him (in Islam) before the torment comes upon you, (and)

then you will not be helped”

[al-Zumar 39:53-54]

“Truly, Allaah loves

those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]

Secondly:

The conditions of sincere

repentance include restoring people’s rights to them, for the accountability

is not waived until the rights are restored and the person who was wronged

takes what is rightfully his in this world, before the Hereafter.

What this woman must do is

go back, and try to apologize to her former husband through some of the

people who are close to him. If the matter has to be referred to a qaadi

(judge) he would not allow any marriage contract with this woman, until she

repents and goes back to her husband.

It says in al-Mawsoo’ah

al-Fiqhiyyah (5/251):

The fuqaha’ stated clearly

that pressure should be put on him and he should be rebuked. The Maalikis

confirmed that the woman who was turned against her husband is permanently

haraam for the one who turned her against her husband, so as to give him the

opposite of what he was trying to achieve and to serve as a deterrent, lest

people take that as a means to corrupt wives.

A marriage that begins with

disobedience towards Allaah will usually never be successful, and it will

become a punishment and a burden for the one who did that.

If the husband forgives

her, then praise be to Allaah, but if he refuses and does not agree to take

his wife back, then there is nothing wrong with you two getting married in

that case, as long as you feel regret and ask Allaah for pardon and

forgiveness.

The majority of scholars

say that the marriage of a man who turned a woman against her husband so

that he would divorce her and then marries her himself is valid, despite the

sin of turning a woman against her husband – which is the correct view,

although some Maaliki and Hanbali scholars disagreed and regarded such

marriages as invalid.

In al-Iqnaa’

(3/181), which is a Hanbali book, it says:

He said concerning a man

who turns a wife against her husband: he should be punished severely, and

his marriage is invalid according to one of the two scholarly opinions in

the madhhabs of Maalik, Ahmad and others, and they must be separated. End

quote.

It says in al-Mawsoo’ah

al-Fiqhiyyah (11/19, 20):

The Maalikis are the only

ones who mentioned the ruling on this issue, which is when a man corrupts

the wife of another man in such a way that it leads to her being divorced

from him, then the one who corrupted her marries her.

They stated that the

marriage should be nullified, whether consummation has taken place or not,

and there is no difference of opinion concerning that; the only thing

concerning which they differed is whether or not the woman is permanently

forbidden for marriage to the one who corrupted her. They mentioned two

opinions concerning that:

1 – The well known view,

which is that the prohibition is not permanent. If she goes back to her

first husband and he divorces her or he dies, then it permissible for the

one who corrupted her to marry her.

2 – That the prohibition is

permanent. This view was mentioned by Yoosuf ibn ‘Umar, as it says in

Sharh al-Zarqaani, and more than one of the later scholars in Fez issued

fatwas on this basis.

However, fuqaha’ who are

non-Maaliki did not issue any clear ruling on this issue, but the ruling on

it, which is that it is forbidden, may be known from what has been stated

above. End quote.

In Kutub A’immah

al-Da’wah al-Najdiyyah (7/89) it says:

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn

al-Shaykh Muhammad (may Allaah have mercy on them both) was asked about a

man who turned a woman against her husband and married her.

He replied:

The marriage of the second

man, who turned her against her husband, is invalid and he must leave her,

because he disobeyed Allaah by doing that. End quote.

We hope that if you repent

properly and are sincere towards Allaah, then you will be able to marry this

woman, if she first tries to set right what was corrupted in her marriage

with her first husband.

As for worrying about the

fact that she had another husband, and they did together what a man and wife

do, this is an idea that is worthless. What is off-putting for a man with

dignity is if a woman soiled herself by having haraam intimate relations. As

for that which Allaah has prescribed and permitted for His slaves, there is

no reason it should be regarded as off-putting!

Allaah says (interpretation

of the meaning):

“It may be if he

divorced you (all) that his Lord will give him instead of you, wives better

than you ___Muslims (who submit to Allaah), believers, obedient (to Allaah), turning to

Allaah in repentance, worshipping Allaah sincerely, given to fasting or

emigrants (for Allaah’s sake), previously married and virgins”

[al-Tahreem 66:5]

Allaah says that there is

blessing in marriage to a previously married woman as much as in marriage to

a virgin.

With regard to what you

fear of your children suffering, it is something that may happen when you

marry another wife after your first marriage. What we hope is that if you

marry this woman or any other, that you will not build a new home on the

ruins of your first family, including your first wife and children. Rather

the one who wants to indulge in this experience must have wisdom and

smartness to organize his household affairs and deal with those under his

care; he must treat his wives fairly and give everyone their rights, so that

no one could hold him accountable for any wrongdoing before his Lord.

An Arab man who had several

wives was asked how he was able to keep them together. He said: When we were

youthful, that helped by making them patient with me, then I accumulated

wealth that made them continue to be patient, then what is left is kindness

and good treatment. That is what is left and is keeping us together.

‘Uyoon al-Akhbaar

(1/396)

We ask Allaah to forgive

and guide us and you two.

And Allaah knows best.