Aslam

Praise be to Allah.

Firstly:

Undoubtedly obedience to parents, so long as it does not

involve disobedience towards Allah, is one of the greatest of righteous

deeds and acts of worship. This is a well-known basic principle in Islam.

The father has the right to take whatever he wants from his

son’s wealth, but that is subject to conditions, one of which is that taking

it should not cause harm to his son and that he should not take from him in

order to give to someone else.

Moreover, he should not take from his son’s wealth in order

to waste it on extravagances or buy things that he does not need. This is

more obviously forbidden; in fact it is not allowed even if it is one’s own

wealth and earnings, so how about if it is his son’s earnings? See the

answer to question no. 9594.

Secondly:

Spending on the father’s maintenance is only obligatory if

the father is in difficulty and unable to earn a living from a suitable job.

If he is not in difficulty or he is in difficulty but he is able to earn a

living from a suitable job, then his son is not obliged to spend on him,

according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions.

It says in Minah al-Jaleel, 4/416: Spending on the

maintenance of parents who are in financial difficulty is obligatory, even

if they have a servant and a house that they need but are no more than is

necessary. It seems that this is the case even if the father is able to earn

a living. This is the view of al-Baaji and those who agreed with him.

However al-Lakhmi says that rather he should be compelled to work in his

profession, and this is the correct view and is the view of the author of

al-Jawaahir. This is what appears to be the correct view by analogy with

the son, because in order for it to be obligatory for the father to spend on

his son, it is stipulated that the son should be unable to earn a living

doing work that is not demeaning to him.

End quote. See: Haashiyat ad-Dasooqi, 2/523

It says in Kashshaaf al-Qinaa‘, 5/481-482:

We may sum up the conditions of it being obligatory to spend

on a relative in the following points: Firstly, that those on whom he is

spending should be poor, with no wealth or income to make them independent

of means so that they do not need someone else to spend on them. If those on

whom he is spending are well off and have sufficient wealth or income, there

is no obligation to spend on them, because the condition is not applicable

in this case. But if their wealth or income is not sufficient for them, then

he is obliged to top it up. Secondly, the one who is supposed to spend on

them should have sufficient wealth to do so that is surplus to what he needs

to spend on his own maintenance and that of his wife and family. Thirdly,

the one who spends should be an heir of the one on whom he spends, either

according to the shares allocated by sharee‘ah or because of blood ties

through the father.

End quote.

Thirdly:

The husband does not have the right to take from his wife’s

wealth in order to give it to his father, mother or siblings without her

consent. It is not permissible for the husband to take anything of his

wife’s wealth except what she gives willingly.

See the answer to question no.

163541.

What we think is that the son should give his father

something by way of upholding ties of kinship, in such a way that will not

adversely affect your needs and will not be unfair to you, and he and his

siblings should encourage their father to work.

You could make your salary separate from your husband’s

salary, and save all of your salary, and your husband can spend on you and

the children and shoulder the responsibility of living costs. This is his

basic duty in the first place. Then if there is anything left over, he can

use that to uphold ties with his father in a way that will not adversely

affect you or be unfair to his children. Then he can add whatever is left

over to what you have of wealth, and you can put that towards buying a house

or you can save it for your needs.

But you have to be very careful not to let that choice lead

to trouble in your relationship with your husband. However, you are in a

position to evaluate the situation as you are living with him.

If you are afraid that that may lead to some trouble, then

carry on as you have been doing, and try to advise him to think of what is

best for you and your children whilst avoiding cutting off ties with his

father or failing to uphold ties with him and treat him kindly, in ways that

will benefit him and not harm you.

See also the answer to question no.

130599.